- The zombie mentioned in the novel refers to the Chinese jiang shi (僵尸). Basically preserved corpses that come back to life. It’s somewhat of a mix between vampires and zombies. They’re brain dead like zombies but like blood like vampires.
- The author sometimes call the MCs zong zi (粽子) which means dumplings. This is the term used by grave robbers to refer to the corpses encased inside the tombs. They’re wrapped up and preserved like how a dumpling is, ergo the nickname.
Hello everyone, my name is Wang Xiao Mie.
I am now sleeping in a coffin, wearing a red wedding ceremonial gown and being reincarnated into a dead-for-a-thousand-years dumpling(zombie). I am very flustered. Not only do I dare not move but I also need to pee.
Why is that? Because I realize that that was not the most terrifying thing. What’s more terrifying is that this coffin was not meant for one person… it’s a f**king a double sized bed!
Wang Xiao Mie shut his eyes tight. Actually he had woken up for a while now. It’s just that when he woke up, he found that he was not himself but had turned into someone who was wearing an ancient red wedding gown, bracket: someone that’s already dead.
Next to him laid a man dressed in a red and black robe. A seemingly alive beautiful male, bracket: he’s also already dead.
Wang Xiao Mie’s eyes rolled and he lost consciousness due to fright.
When he woke up once again, Wang Xiao Mie found out that the big bro next to him actually m….m…m..moved!!!
Wang Xiao Mie kept his eyes shut, not daring to look at the person beside him.
So what if he’s handsome?! Even if he’s handsome, he’s still dead! Dammit he even moved!
Oh Jade Emperor ….Buddha of Tathagata …Virgin Mother Mary…
Scenes of Taoist priests and zombies from the movies flashed through his head. He was afraid his neck would be bitten off in one go by the big dumpling.
As a result, the big brother next to him made even bigger movements and a cold chilling touch was pasted on his neck.
Ah Ah Ah —!
He tried to hold back his pee and his scream. He could even feel the goosebumps on his neck… eh? Do dead people have goosebumps?
Wang Xiao Mie has an illness. The more scared and nervous he got, the more calm his facial expression would be. When he was overly scared or nervous, he would even laugh out crazily. When he was little and had to get injections with other children, the other children would be crying while he would be laughing.
The nurse thought that he had become a retard because of the injection.
Just as the saying goes “the expression is steady as an old dog, in fact comparable to real panic”
With his years of experience as the old dog, Wang Xiao Mie managed to bear the itch on his neck and remained still. Feeling the coolness leaving, and before he could rejoice…
The handsome dumpling began to pull at his clothes…
Em… pulling at his clothes…
You stinky hooligan!
The icy cold claws are rubbing against my body. If lao zi don’t personally kick you on the knee lao zi will write my surname upside down!
… anyways it’s the same even if it’s inverted. (his surname is 王, so you can see even if it’s inverted it’s still the same word)
When Wang Xiao Mie wanted to summon up the courage to fight for his moral integrity and dignity, the ancient cosplay handsome dumpling gently hugged him and sighed. A cool breath emitted onto his forehead.
“Mian Deng, it’s yet another mortal day. When will you wake up?”
It turned out that dumplings could even talk. Wang Xiao Mie thought silently, who is Mian Deng? Could it be the original master of this body? It seems this body is only well preserved, it cannot come back to life.
As he was thinking about this, a cool breath came close to his mouth, carrying a scent of old eaglewood. He was then kissed tenderly for a moment.
Oh sh*t! My first kiss!
Wang Xiao Mie’s tears flowed internally into a river. Unbelievably, his first kiss was taken by a stranger dumpling. Even if he’s handsome, he’s still a dumpling!
Huuu Huu, the first kiss that I wanted to preserve for my future boyfriend…
Although he was sad, nothing was more important than staying alive.
Wang Xiao Mie closed his eyes in the dark and didn’t dare to expose himself. The delicate kiss that was left in his mouth gave a feeling of being protected and cherished. He couldn’t help but felt a little shy. After all he was in his youth and this period was the hardest to control one’s excitement.
And so Wang Xiao Mie was forced to accept the kisses. He was only glad that this handsome zombie’s cold mouth did not smell like a corpse. If it were those stinky ones like in the movies then he probably would have puked on his kissing partner’s face.
This kiss lasted for half an hour. If he wasn’t a corpse at the moment, he would have suffocated. Thinking of the tomb’s master and the wedding clothes on his body, and also this intimate action…
These two people, could they be ancient fags!
I’m an elite modern man living in the motherland and still, I’m single, yet these historical corpses all managed to have lovers.
After a while, Wang Xiao Mie gradually came to enjoy the kiss. He did not dare to move his tongue and could only accept it with his mouth open. Thinking of how considerate and careful the super handsome dumpling’s actions were, he felt that he and this body must have been a very loving couple. If not they would not have been buried together after death. Even as a zombie he still kissed his spouse everyday. And the kisses were so affectionate.
What a good man. Too bad he’s already dead…
As his thoughts wandered, Wang Xiao Mie unconsciously swallowed his saliva…
The soft and affectionate kiss came to an abrupt end.
The cold lips left his mouth and Wang Xiao Mie was in cold sweat.
Oh no, it’s over.
The atmosphere was diminished.
Wang Xiao Mie opened his eyes slightly and peeked using the lights from the luminous night pearls in the coffin. He found that the handsome dumpling was wearing a red and black robe, a red crown and black hair. He has a red spot between his eyebrows, and a soft and angular face. His lips were blue, and both eyes were narrow and long. The black large pupils were looking at him with a complicated and excited look.
Wang Xiao Mie quickly closed his eyes in self deception. The handsome brother then pressed something and the coffin gave out a sound of mechanism moving.
Afterwards the lid of the coffin slowly slid open…
Boss, even your house’s coffin is an automated model…
A dazzling light pierce through. Wang Xiao Mie opened his eyes slowly. He forgot about his concerns and sat up, looking out of the coffin.
His surrounding was a huge circular space hollowed out from a mountain. It was extremely large like an Olympic stadium. The giant space attached to the suspended wall created dense pavilions and palaces.
Like temples built on cliffs at scenic spots, they were overlooking these buildings. That is to say…
In this huge underground hole there stood a large stone pillar in the very centre looking like a mushroom.
And on top of that pillar was a platform with an enormous ancient tree whose trunk was so wide that it would take seven people hand in hand to fully hug it.
What amazed Wang Xiao Mie was not the large old tree but the pink peach blossom blooming on it. There were only flowers and no leaves.
To what extent will the flowers bloom? In full bloom would it be like a burning flame blooming on the tree.
The light emitted from the crown of the tree gave a divine feel…
And their coffin was placed under the large flowering tree.
Wang Xiao Mie was shocked for half a day before coming back to his senses.
And when he turned around….
With eyes even brighter than the burning blossom tree, the dumpling brother was smiling at him.
They both looked at each other in silence for a while.
Wang Xiao Mie screamed and trembled, then his eyes rolled backwards.
Thud! Wang Xiao Mie once again fainted.